Dr. Ripal K. Kotak

For all of you wondering about the same out there, here’s the rationale of why I do and what I do what I do.

Just like our body needs a vacation to recharge so does our mind. When we go on a holiday we choose a location where we get the ‘feel good’ factor. It’s a place away from the daily routine and norm. Similarly our brain needs a getaway everyday. It needs the ‘feel good’ factor to keep it charged.  Make the most is a “top vacation resort” for the mind. It’s designed to recharge your battery with positive energy. It is away from reality so that you can enjoy the holiday and invigorate yourself.

It is also important to understand that our brain is like a computer. Our hard disk (subconscious brain) is filled with a number of pre-loaded programs (our conditioning from childhood/life experiences). Some of these programs are outdated and slow down our functioning. They benefit with regular updates and occasional re-programming. Make the most is like a data base to check on the new available software and to reload new programs. You can always choose to stay with your old ones or use this as a platform to give yourself some positive options.

Just like when you want a healthy body you feed yourself healthy food, when you want a healthy mind you feed it good thought. Thinking does not change reality but thinking opens doors to various ways of dealing more effectively with the reality. Make the most provides good food for your mind to help you open new doors to effectively handle the realities of your life.

Successful people say that the only thing that has helped them reach where they are is their attitude. They have all faced adversity in their life at some point of time or the other. It’s their attitude that has helped them reach the altitude they’re on. ATTITUDE… that is what helps us MAKE THE MOST OF LIFE and that is what ‘www.makethemostoflife.net’ is all about!

Saloni Sawnani

I have a mile to run,

Business to attend to,

Places to reach,

Presentations to be made,

I am a Berry busy man.

I have no time to eat, or rest,

Lest the competition get ahead.

I have to run faster,

Faster than everyone else.

Time waits for no one,

It won’t for me;

Let me fill the day,

Get work done,

Beat the clock before it beats me.

Yes I know the family waits,

But what can I do,

I have only so much time.

The seconds are always ticking,

More is the mantra today,

Now is already history,

Tomorrow is the new Now.

I am today’s man,

I live by the clock

While it watches me;

Watches and laughs as I eat into my own time.

All the while man runs, the clock waits silently, waiting for him to make the moments mean something. When your moments mean something – that’s when you have truly beaten time. For then time doesn’t exist. The clock eats into your time – the time you could have used to smile, to help someone, to share laughter, to take the dancing lessons that you always meant to. Do you live by the clock?

Take time off. You will only let time beat you if you allow it to. Filling up your every moment to make the most of time actually makes you lose the moment. It is in the many moments that our Now exists. It is where we live our lives. The clock does not decide what to do – only you do.

Question is, ‘What are you going to do?’

Dr. Ripal K Kotak

This belief is flawed in judgement… and it is a fallacy that we carry with great conviction, often throughout our life. Excellence is not the key, our spirit is. All things are worth doing. Moreover, there is no stipulation to do them well. The Universe does not expect us to follow a preordained path. It does not set rules of reaching goals and achievement. Those are societal constructs. It is preset notions of how things need to be done and how well they need to be done that enslave us; it is our spirit that enables us.

We are not human doings. We are human beings. To be means to experience the world around us and respond to it as we feel or choose to. This response is not to be encumbered by benchmarks and yardsticks. Do. That’s it. No ‘do it this well’ or ‘that well’. Just do. Or don’t do if you wish.

To be does not ask of anything from you. Do. Don’t do. Make a pretty picture or don’t. It doesn’t matter. The human experience does not follow a charter.

In pursuing the religion called excellence we lose the larger perspective of experiencing joy. We banish the very thought of doing something without trying to do it better and better every passing moment. The horizon keeps moving, and we keep chasing it. The human endeavour thus gets squashed under the burden of excellence…

It is important to understand that it is not incumbent on us to excel at anything. We do not need to. There is nothing wrong with being satisfied in doing something however which way we can, and moving on. Banish the guilt that precludes you from experiencing the sheer joy of doing. The true gifts that experiences give us come from immersing ourselves in them without worrying about whether we are doing things the right way or correctly. There is no right way to experience something. Our interpretation, of whether the experience was an enjoyable one or not for us, develops afterward. It is our choices, our responses, and our interpretations that differentiate and define us. This is why the same experience means different things to different people.

The pressure of performing reduces our ability to experience joy. Any activity where we are involved in the process without becoming observers and/or critics of ourselves brings us satisfaction and happiness. Don’t let societal expectations of excellence ruin your ability to experience joy. Life is a celebration, not an examination. It is okay to paint parrots brown or clouds blue. It’s all right if the colour spills over. We didn’t think too badly of this when we were young, did we? Forget about making a pretty picture, or staying within the lines. Revel in the wonder that is life without the worry of doing things right.

The same goes for purpose – just like excellence we get hung up about purpose. It seems that we are unable to do anything without attaching purpose to it. Do not become a victim of purpose. All that you do need not be purposeful. This age seems to have bought our time so completely that our minds obsess about optimizing every moment; and so deep has this wretched notion of maximizing every moment taken seat in our lives that we are unable to even take a holiday without feeling the need to optimally utilize the time off. It’s silly; we even vacation with a purpose. We plan enjoyment… just as we plan work. Do not plan anymore. Let the moment unfold before you. Become driftwood for a while and see how relaxed you feel.

Children experience an all encompassing sense of being, for they are not reined in by adult thought. No thought, no purpose. Everything is fun. Whether it is picking a twig from the ground or playing with sand. Whether it is looking at the birds or running around in all directions. For a change be like that; action without thought – only instinct as a guide.

We are here to experience. We are not here to do things well, or right, or correctly. Only to do and to feel – that is our gift.

Don’t let excellence suck the being out of you. Don’t let achievements alone become your goal. Live a little.

Dr. Ripal K. Kotak

To understand how certain life events affect our level of stress, a scale was developed by Holmes and Rahe and is called  the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale. The number of “Life Change Units” that apply to events in the past year of an individual’s life are added and the final score will give a rough estimate of how stress affects health.

Score of 300+: At risk of illness.

Score of 150-299+: Risk of illness is moderate (reduced by 30% from the above risk).

Score 150-: Only have a slight risk of illness

A modified scale has also been developed for non-adults. Similar to the adult scale, stress points for life events in the past year are added and compared to the rough estimate of how stress affects health.

Score of 300+: At risk of illness.

Score of 150-299+: Risk of illness is moderate. (reduced by || 30% from the above risk)

Score 150-: Slight risk of illness.

If your score is 300+ please seek immediate professional help. If your score is between 150-299  you may consider seeking a professional opinion. And if your score is less than 150 continue enjoying your life!

“I have to be perfect”…

“I should always tell the truth”…

How often do you catch yourself making such statements to yourself? Most of us are programmed right from childhood to freely use the ‘should’ – ‘must’ – ‘have to’ rule book on ourselves and others.

So what happens when we use the rule book?

More often than not when we repeatedly give ourselves these commandments and expect the same from others, we are unable to execute them all the time and that increases our frustration and stress level. For example, if our rule book says “One must never be late”, each time we run even 5 minutes late for a meeting we get anxious and worked up which may actually result in a poor performance because of the heightened anxiety. Similarly, if someone else turns up even 5 minutes late, we tend to get frustrated and angry with them as we feel they don’t value time.

Does this mean we should have no rules?

Yes, it does mean we have no rules for ourselves. We are not a government or a school or an institution that our thoughts have to be governed by rules and regulations. We are free individuals who have the ability to choose what they want. CHOOSE. That’s the keyword here.

It’s important to understand that life is a series of choices and preferences. “It’s preferable to always be on time.” That’s a positive choice which would be favorable for us. At the same time, it does not burden us with the stress of occasionally being late and also gives room to others if they are occasionally late.

The key to success is the ability to be flexible and conscious of the choices we make in life. Changing our attitude and approach is crucial to our success. If you find that you are getting very stressed and irritated, it would be a good idea for you to write out the rules that govern your life. Just make a note each time you knowingly or unknowingly use the words – ‘should’, – ‘must’, – ‘have to’. You’ll surprise yourself with how rigid your thinking is!

Step two, would be to change all the ‘should – must – have to’ rules to preferences. You would need to substitute the statements with phrases like ‘it’s preferable to’ or ‘it’s better to’ or ‘it’s nicer if’. Convert all rules to choices and you will see how the freedom of thought relieves your stress.

It’s better to have discipline in life as it helps us organize and execute better. It’s nicer if one is successful in life. Success is achieved when stress levels are optimal. It’s up to you to go ahead and make positive choices which will work in your favor and yet not bog you down with what you think must be done to achieve success.

Saloni Sawnani

What is stress?

Stress is a response to real and imagined event that alters the normal functioning of the body.

Stress arises when a situation is perceived as stressful. Stress is often associated with situations that you find difficult to handle. How you view things also affects your stress level. If you have very high expectations, chances are that you will experience more than your fair share of stress.

Stress Reactions

Stress, either quick or constant, can induce risky disorders. Immediate disorders such as dizzy spells, anxiety attacks, tension, sleeplessness, nervousness and muscle cramps can all result in chronic health problems. Stress reactions vary tremendously in their severity from mild uneasiness to extreme terror and panic. They may also affect our immunity, cardiovascular and nervous systems and lead individuals to habitual addictions, which are inter-linked with stress.

Some changes in attitude to help you cope with stress

Stop trying to be a superwoman or a superman. You cannot be perfect and you cannot do it all. It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help when you are overwhelmed and busy.

Go easy when it comes to criticism. Avoid expecting too much from others or yourself. Effective coping with stress is about being happy with what you have.

Share your feelings. Talking to a friend or loved one after having a stressful day is a great way of coping with emotional stress. Remember, you don’t have to do it alone.

Coping with stress is also about being flexible and living a balanced life. Neither let others impose their points of view on you nor reject them altogether. Try to be patient instead of judgmental, listen to others and think it over before making a decision.

Some practical strategies to help you cope with stress

Get organized - Coping with stress is all about planning. You can plan to fail or plan to succeed. Organize time for work, family, hobbies, spiritual time, time with friends and time alone, time for exercise and time for relaxation.

Visualize the best outcome - Coping with stress is about knowing how to deal with a stressful situation before it occurs. Rehearse how you are going to handle it. Picture yourself being successful in coping with stress.

Take a break – It is a good idea to do fun things such as watching a movie or playing a video game or going for a drive etc. for a while every day. Developing an active hobby like gardening or drawing or playing music etc is also an excellent stress buster.

Don’t Postpone Actions - One of the best strategies for coping with stress is not to put off actions until tomorrow if you can do it today. Situations become more difficult when you defer. Do your least favorite chores first, followed by rewards.

Be realistic – Set realistic goals. Emphasize quality over quantity. Work at a leisurely pace, taking breaks often.

Sleep, eat, and exercise – Coping with stress is all about treating your body properly. Eat food that nourish you, exercise and get plenty of sleep.

So here’s an A – Z of Stress Management:

• Always take time for yourself, at least 30 minutes per day.
• Be aware of your own stress meter: Know when to step back and cool down.
• Concentrate on controlling your own situation, without controlling everybody else.
• Daily exercise will burn off the stress chemicals.
• Eat lots of fresh fruit, veggies, bread and water; give your body the best for it to perform at its best.
• Forgive others, don’t hold grudges and be tolerant — not everyone is as capable as you.
• Gain perspective on things, how important is the issue?
• Hugs, kisses and laughter: Have fun and don’t be afraid to share your feelings with others.
• Identify stressors and plan to deal with them better next time.
• Judge your own performance realistically; don’t set goals out of your own reach.
• Keep a positive attitude, your outlook will influence outcomes and the way others treat you.
• Limit alcohol, drugs and other stimulants, they affect your perception and behaviour.
• Manage money well, seek advice and save at least 10 per cent of what you earn.
• No is a word you need to learn to use without feeling guilty.
• Outdoor activities by yourself, or with friends and family, can be a great way to relax.
• Play your favourite music rather than watching television.
• Quit smoking: It is stressing your body daily, not to mention killing you too.
• Relationships: Nurture and enjoy them, learn to listen more and talk less.
• Sleep well, with a firm mattress and a supportive pillow; don’t overheat yourself and allow plenty of ventilation.
• Treat yourself once a week with a massage, dinner out, the movies: Moderation is the key.
• Understand things from the other person’s point of view.
• Verify information from the source before exploding.
• Worry less: it really does not get things completed better or quicker.
• Express: Talk your feelings out with people you love and trust.
• Yearly goal setting: Plan what you want to achieve based on your priorities in your career, relationships, etc.
• Zest for life: Each day is a gift, smile and be thankful that you are a part of the bigger picture.

MOST IMPORTANTLY

Believe in yourself. All situations can be made into win –win situations if you relax and stay focused with a positive attitude. If you think you can… you can!

Don’t try to be perfect. It’s important to aim high and try reach for the stars. But keep things in balance. If you think that “anything less than perfect means I’ve failed” then you are creating mountains of unnecessary stress for yourself. Focus on doing your best but recognize that none of us can be perfect all of the time.

Take steps to overcome problems. Stay practical. Whenever faced with a road block, if you find yourself running out of ideas to fix the problem look around. There might be someone you know who can help you through.

Don’t keep things bottled up. Confiding in someone you trust and who will be supportive is a great way of alleviating stress and worry.

Keep things in perspective. Life is full of challenges. No one challenge is so big that it blocks our road to success. Don’t make it one!!

Saloni Sawnani