This article is not about children though it may as well be for the two are very similar in their needs and requirements.

I would like to talk about our old amongst us. Wizened people with years of experience but carrying a frailty with them that requires tender loving care. Their ability to bear pain reduced, their mental and physical faculties diminished, they are as much in need of care as babies are.

Remember how you held your younger ones’ hand as they struggled to learn to walk; well, don’t forget when it is time to hold an elder’s hand as he or she hobble unsteadily with their canes. Don’t forget when it is time to lend them a hand to carry things that are heavier than they can manage. Don’t forget to regale them with anecdotes and stories of daily living just as you tell bedtime stories to your kids. Don’t forget to joke and laugh with them. Don’t forget to rub their feet with balm when they hurt; remember the salve you applied to your children’s hurts? Most of all don’t forget to be gentle with them. Gentleness and patience is all they need, just like little children.

What the old most need is someone to talk to, someone to listen to, some companionship, somebody to give them a hug, somebody to help them carry out their daily chores as need be. Help them cross the road safely, give them your seat in the bus or train, allow them to take your place in the checkout line at the supermarket, slow down your car when you see them crossing the road ahead.

Excuse them if they are sloppy at the dinner table – you thought your child dribbling food was cute, didn’t you? They may not remember things as clearly as when they were younger; help them find their glasses even if they be seated atop their own head. Speak up so they may hear, hold them if they shed a tear. Find time to sit with them amidst your daily rush. What the elderly most dread is loneliness; an emptiness that seems to swallow them. Make time for them.

From today go and check up on your grandparents and your elderly neighbour. Think about how you may contribute to an old age home. Make the aged in and around your life as comfortable as possible. It is all about care. You could brighten up their day just by being there for them. Let us actively add a warm glow to their sunset years. While aging is inevitable, growing old can be an easier process if we make it to be.

Toothless smiles speak the same language as pearly ones. Even if the vision may have diminished, twinkling eyes say the same things always. Let our warmth and care add joyful glee to our aged just as they bring joyful gurgles from our young. Let wrinkles and twinkles mean the same thing.

Dr. Ripal K. Kotak

It certainly isn’t gained by election or appointment. Having position, title, rank, or degrees doesn’t qualify anyone to lead other people. And the ability doesn’t come automatically from age or experience, either.

No, it would be accurate to say that no one can be given the right to lead. The right to lead can only be earned. And that takes time.

The key to becoming an effective leader is not to focus on making other people follow, but on making yourself the kind of person they want to follow. You must become someone others can trust to take them where they want to go.

As you prepare yourself to become a better leader, use the following guidelines to help you grow:

1. Let go of your ego.The truly great leaders are not in leadership for personal gain. They lead in order to serve other people. Perhaps that is why Lawrence D. Bell remarked, “Show me a man who cannot bother to do little things, and I’ll show you a man who cannot be trusted to do big things.”
2. Become a good follower first.Rare is the effective leader who didn’t learn to become a good follower first. That is why a leadership institution such as the United State Military Academy teaches its officers to become effective followers first – and why West Point has produced more leaders than the Harvard Business School.
3. Build positive relationships.Leadership is influence, nothing more, nothing less. That means it is by nature relational. Today’s generation of leaders seem particularly aware of this because title and position mean so little to them. They know intuitively that people go along with people they get along with.
4. Work with excellence.No one respects and follows mediocrity. Leaders who earn the right to lead give their all to what they do. They bring into play not only their skills and talents, but also great passion and hard work. They perform on the highest level of which they are capable.
5. Rely on discipline, not emotion.Leadership is often easy during the good times. It’s when everything seems to be against you – when you’re out of energy, and you don’t want to lead – that you earn your place as a leader. During every season of life, leaders face crucial moments when they must choose between gearing up or giving up. To make it through those times, rely on the rock of discipline, not the shifting sand of emotion.
6. Make adding value your goal.When you look at the leaders whose names are revered long after they have finished leading, you find that they were men and women who helped people to live better lives and reach their potential. That is the highest calling of leadership – and its highest value.
7. Give your power away.One of the ironies of leadership is that you become a better leader by sharing whatever power you have, not by saving it all for yourself. You’re meant to be a river, not a reservoir. If you use your power to empower others, your leadership will extend far beyond your grasp.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

As adults we forgot all of that. Think about it. When is the last time you thanked someone?

Sure, you thank people when they do a favour at your request. Yet, when is the last time you thanked someone just for doing their job well, or for adding some joy to your life?

When is the last time you thanked someone who was polite – for e.g. someone who waited a safe distance at the ATM kiosk and didn’t rush you while you struggled getting your card out from your bag? When is the last time you thanked someone who smiled at you at the check-out counter? When is the last time you thanked the doorman for opening the door? Or the chaiwallah for getting you your tea on time? Or the librarian who helped you locate a book that you were unable to find? It’s his/her job – what’s there to thank about? Or is there?

When is the last time you thanked God just for being there? Not because He gave you something that you asked for… just for being there in your life.

Counting our blessings is one thing, thanking the Maker for his presence is another.

When is the last time you thanked a loved one? Yes, you tell them love you a thousand times; how often do you say thank you? Thank you for making the omelette today. Or, Thank you for taking the time out to clear the cabinet. Do you say thank you for the mundane stuff that your spouse does for you everyday, that you have grown accustomed to and without which your day wouldn’t run smooth enough. Do you acknowledge and appreciate what your loved ones do for you? Do you take cognizance of the little stuff – the background stuff that is taken for granted?

It doesn’t take too much of our time to thank someone. It does make someone’s day, on the other hand. You see people are doing the best they know and can at all times. What everyone craves for is a little appreciation; a little acknowledgement that they make a difference. We are quick to complain if the pizza doesn’t arrive within thirty minutes or if it does not have enough toppings according to our expectations. We wouldn’t dream of calling up and thanking if we thought that today the pizza was baked just right. Would be quite kooky to do that, wouldn’t it?

Give it a try. Thank people. Thank them for being there in your life. Thank them for adding colour to it. Thank them for a job well done. Thank them even if there isn’t any special reason. After all, the ordinary is extraordinary just by the fact that it endures timelessly without complaint and without expectation.

Thank you for reading this article. Thank you for visiting this site. Thank you for sharing the world with me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Spread the cheer. It will thank you back!

Dr. Ripal K. Kotak

1. Know exactly what you want. It is most important for you to be clear and specific as to what your expect from yourself and others. A lot of people don’t really know what they want in their personal, social or professional life. They have a general idea like they want to be rich, famous and successful but they really don’t know what they are willing to do for the same. You need to not only know your specific goals, dreams and aspirations but also understand that to achieve those you would need to be clear and specific with everyone who is going to help you in your path of success. Noone makes their dreams come true in isolation so you need to learn how to motivate others which is possible only when you know exactly what you want.
2. Differentiate between ego and self respect. Self respect is the core of a high self esteem which is the base of success. However, very often people act out of their ego rather than healthy self respect. What is the difference? Well if you catch yourself reacting to others with the thought ‘how could he/she talk to me like that or do that’ chances are you are about to operate from ego. While if you catch yourself thinking ‘that sure is unpleasant behaviour, how can I work around it’ you are operating from a high self respect. It is important to express your displeasure but at the same time understand that others are free to choose the way they respond to you. Never lose your self respect but at the same time always keep your ego in check.
3. Respond – Don’t React. Reaction is an automatic response to a stimuli. For example, if you touch a hot vessel you’ll jerk your hand off. That is the instant reaction. Response is the choice you make after experiencing the stimuli. In the same example, when you put your hand under cold water you are responding to the burn. In physical emergencies like burns reacting before responding is understandable but in emotional emergencies like disagreements, conflicts, unpleasant life events, etc reacting instantly is not very wise. Try responding. For example, if your friend yells at you, your instant reaction maybe to yell back and defend your stand. Try responding instead by making a statement like ‘I can see you are really upset with me about this. Let me see how I can work it out differently’. Chances are high that your friend will stop screaming and also work towards a solution.
4. ‘NO’ is an option. A large number of people find it difficult to say a simple word like ‘no’. Are you one of them? Usually people don’t like to refuse because they feel if they do they would displease the other person. Most people either consciously or sub-consciously spend their whole life unsuccessfully trying to please others by displeasing themselves. It is important to understand that unless and until you are happy and pleased with yourself you can never please anyone else. You spread what you have… so if you have happiness within you spread happiness and if you have anger within you spread the same. The inability to say ‘no’ builds anger and frustration within. Go out and please yourself. For a while it may seem like you are displeasing a lot of people by doing so, but in the long run the same people will be happier and more proud of you and the relationship.
5. Accept limitations. We all want to be superman/superwoman. But unfortunately, life is not equal to movies. It is not humanly possible to be everywhere and do everything well. So accept that there will be certain things that you cannot do and let that be handled by someone else rather than you struggling to change. Remember, strong-stronger-strongest and weak-weaker-weakest. Whatever you focus on in life goes to the superlative, so if you focus on whats strong in you it would become strongest and if you focus on weak, it would become weakest! Don’t waste your energies over your weaknesses, noone is perfect. Strengthen your strengths to compensate and ignore your limitations. You rather be a master of one than a jack of all!

The way you handle your relationships is the way you will handle your success because the steps to success are made of innumerable relationships. The key to healthy relationships is a high self esteem and an assertive attitude. Think big, be confident, be assertive with yourself and others, sky is your limit!

Saloni Sawnani

Sure, we write blogs. We communicate. We put our lives on Facebook and Twitter for the entire world to see. However, do we risk having a fight with a close friend or mate? The moment we sense a discomfort developing about any issue we modify our statements; we cushion what we want to say, fearing that if we do say what we feel, we will lose out on what we have. Why be this way? Bonds of friendship and love are not so fragile that they cannot weather a storm. It would be cynical to think otherwise.

Take a risk. Have an argument. Stick your neck out. Say what you feel even if it means that your opinion could be unpalatable. The wise have often said – It is not what you say but how you say it that makes the difference. True. There is always room for common sense and sensitivity. At the same time you do need to speak your truth as you see it. I know I would be sick if my friends spoke only nice things to me and I am pretty sure they would be too. Exchange is a two way street. Open lines of communication allow free flowing traffic both ways without reproach. Being agreeable, saying the right things, cloaking your true thoughts and feelings may prevent you from ever losing… but you will also never win. Emotional bonds grow stronger when you risk saying the wrong things. There may be momentary discomfort and some conflict, but you will forge stronger relationships. The idea is not to defend opinions and prove points, or to wilfully hurt someone; the idea is to overcome the fear of discord that prevents meaningful dialogue and expression. Shed your fears and take the leap of faith. You will find that you high jump to newer levels of understanding and closeness. About time, don’t you think?

Dr. Ripal K Kotak

Instrinsically most of us are very greedy… we like to get as much as we can and keep it all. We are hesitant to share it and like to keep it as close to our chest as we can. Hoard as much as we can, keep it all deep within…

The funny thing about life is that this greed principle doesn’t apply to money alone. Its a pervasive attitude. We also save and cherish our negative emotions. We keep them close to us as though if we were to let go of them we would let go of our being.

Think about it, most of us spend most of our day focussing on what we lack, what is missing, how life has not been fair, why the neighbour has more, why people are unfair, how the politicians don’t do their job well…. More than 50 percent of our waking hours are spent in cribbing, criticizing, feeling sorry for ourselves etc. So guess what happens to more than 50 percent of our sleeping hours? The same thoughts run in our head and reinforce themselves. Net result, more than 50 percent of our life goes in anger, frustration and resentment.

Do you wish to break this negative cycle of life? Well you can if you choose to.

Is it going to be easy? Sure its going to be easy if you allow it to be. Needs just a little effort.

Is it going to be worth the effort? Yes, you will experience a new sense of being and satisfaction.

So where do you start?

“Let Go”

Let go of all the negative emotions. Write them on a piece of paper and burn it. Throw the ashes in the sea so they go far far from your life. I’m not joking here or talking off my hat. I know it sounds like that but I challenge you to do it… I know I’ll be posting your life changing story next.

So what would you do with this sudden void you’re going to experience now that you’ve burnt all the negativity? Fill it up… there is plenty of positive stuff around.

For the next 6months say something nice to yourself and everyone you meet everyday. If you don’t find something nice to say, don’t say anything. Just stay away from finding fault with yourself and others.

Share. The more positivity you share with others the more will come back to you. The same problems would seem less worrisome and the solutions would come more easily.

Keep the faith. Rome was not built in a day, nor can your old habits change in a night. Keep the good work going consciously day after day… the nights will feed your subconscious brain and before you realise life would’ve changed!

Saloni Sawnani

For all of you wondering about the same out there, here’s the rationale of why I do and what I do what I do.

Just like our body needs a vacation to recharge so does our mind. When we go on a holiday we choose a location where we get the ‘feel good’ factor. It’s a place away from the daily routine and norm. Similarly our brain needs a getaway everyday. It needs the ‘feel good’ factor to keep it charged.  Make the most is a “top vacation resort” for the mind. It’s designed to recharge your battery with positive energy. It is away from reality so that you can enjoy the holiday and invigorate yourself.

It is also important to understand that our brain is like a computer. Our hard disk (subconscious brain) is filled with a number of pre-loaded programs (our conditioning from childhood/life experiences). Some of these programs are outdated and slow down our functioning. They benefit with regular updates and occasional re-programming. Make the most is like a data base to check on the new available software and to reload new programs. You can always choose to stay with your old ones or use this as a platform to give yourself some positive options.

Just like when you want a healthy body you feed yourself healthy food, when you want a healthy mind you feed it good thought. Thinking does not change reality but thinking opens doors to various ways of dealing more effectively with the reality. Make the most provides good food for your mind to help you open new doors to effectively handle the realities of your life.

Successful people say that the only thing that has helped them reach where they are is their attitude. They have all faced adversity in their life at some point of time or the other. It’s their attitude that has helped them reach the altitude they’re on. ATTITUDE… that is what helps us MAKE THE MOST OF LIFE and that is what ‘www.makethemostoflife.net’ is all about!

Saloni Sawnani

How do we deal with the hurt and pain that this causes?

Do we fight? Do we retreat in a shell? Do we decide never to trust again? After all, why make yourself vulnerable to another person. Why allow someone to mean so much to you that they can cause you to bleed uncontrollably?

The thing with life is, that you can either go through it holding grudges and feeling hurt, or you can address issues, and trust with all your heart. Misunderstandings and disagreements are part of every relationship whether it be with your friends, lovers, parents, or colleagues.

No one is going to understand you completely; it is not possible. It would be wrong of you to expect everyone to feel the same way you feel about anything. Acknowledging that we are different people is the first step. Taking account of other people’s point of view is the key to stronger and happier relationships. Take a step back and see if the other person actually meant to hurt you or just thought things differently. Sometimes what we perceive as an intended slight may not be so. We do so many things – do we always think and act, or do we do things unconsciously? Hence, the other person may have done things without conscious thought, and very often, the person causing you aggravation may not even be aware that you have been hurt. The best way; if you feel that your anger or hurt is justified; is to talk to the other person about how you feel. No anger or rancour, just a calm and open approach where you air what you feel. Also, at times like these, try and listen more than you speak. You will find that people are open to your needs when you are willing to take a reasonable and fair approach, where you explain how you feel, and ask rather than accuse. Also, learn to forgive. This is life. There are too few years to be holding grudges. Give others a chance and you will see that the world is a wonderful place after all.

Dr. Ripal K Kotak

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcNtjmRY5io