The Rule Book

December 2, 2009admin 22 Comments »

“I must never be late”…

“I have to be perfect”…

“I should always tell the truth”…

How often do you catch yourself making such statements to yourself? Most of us are programmed right from childhood to freely use the ‘should’ – ‘must’ – ‘have to’ rule book on ourselves and others.

So what happens when we use the rule book?

More often than not when we repeatedly give ourselves these commandments and expect the same from others, we are unable to execute them all the time and that increases our frustration and stress level. For example, if our rule book says “One must never be late”, each time we run even 5 minutes late for a meeting we get anxious and worked up which may actually result in a poor performance because of the heightened anxiety. Similarly, if someone else turns up even 5 minutes late, we tend to get frustrated and angry with them as we feel they don’t value time.

Does this mean we should have no rules?

Yes, it does mean we have no rules for ourselves. We are not a government or a school or an institution that our thoughts have to be governed by rules and regulations. We are free individuals who have the ability to choose what they want. CHOOSE. That’s the keyword here.

It’s important to understand that life is a series of choices and preferences. “It’s preferable to always be on time.” That’s a positive choice which would be favorable for us. At the same time, it does not burden us with the stress of occasionally being late and also gives room to others if they are occasionally late.

The key to success is the ability to be flexible and conscious of the choices we make in life. Changing our attitude and approach is crucial to our success. If you find that you are getting very stressed and irritated, it would be a good idea for you to write out the rules that govern your life. Just make a note each time you knowingly or unknowingly use the words – ‘should’, – ‘must’, – ‘have to’. You’ll surprise yourself with how rigid your thinking is!

Step two, would be to change all the ‘should – must – have to’ rules to preferences. You would need to substitute the statements with phrases like ‘it’s preferable to’ or ‘it’s better to’ or ‘it’s nicer if’. Convert all rules to choices and you will see how the freedom of thought relieves your stress.

It’s better to have discipline in life as it helps us organize and execute better. It’s nicer if one is successful in life. Success is achieved when stress levels are optimal. It’s up to you to go ahead and make positive choices which will work in your favor and yet not bog you down with what you think must be done to achieve success.

Saloni Sawnani

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009 at 3:49 pm and is filed under Assertiveness, Stress Management. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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